What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 09:05
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
How do I express sarcasm in non-dialogue text when writing a fiction novel?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I have no regrets .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
After a Century of Searching, the Source of Mysterious Space Rays May Be Revealed - The Daily Galaxy
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Do guys ever want to suck a dick even though they are straight?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Subway owner buys mega-popular chicken chain in $1 billion deal - AL.com
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Who then, do I blame.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
The Best Father's Day Gift Ideas for Every Type of Dad - IGN
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why can’t the British eat or drink anything unless they place a table cloth on the table first?
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What are people discussing on BookTok?
Why did i forgive my father ?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot live in the past .
What are the different types of networking?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Guy Hears Cries During Hailstorm — Then Saves An Entire Family - The Dodo - For Animal People
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
US oil output set for first annual drop since pandemic - Financial Times
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He knew the spot.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was 9 years of age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My life is so biszare .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She wouldn,t have been !
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But, we were locked up after school.
All the time i was locked up.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Was to survive, this bastard.
What did i know ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was very sick at this time too.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was scared of men, in general
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I never cut or harmed myself..
So, i spoilt her more .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It was going to be , some day.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was in good health!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im still living with it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Comes on , in middle age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I think the readers, may guess!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I will be 64.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was seconnd youngest,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He resisted the act ,that day.
She found it foreign!.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
(And it was in our own minds.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I said to her
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She loved him until the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Ive learnt so much.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We all went to grammer schools
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
When she asked me how she looked .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were not on the streets..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!